As the weather turns colder, cuffing season arrives. We all want to warm up by the fireplace with our special someone this fall, but why do they seem so distracted? Have you seen their eyes wandering when you’re in public? Do they keep their phone face-down on the table? We know they’re not thinking of anyone else, so what’s actually on their mind? Here’s an opportunity to find out what your partner is really thinking about. Whether you’ve been together since high school or just went out for coffee after a lab, take this quiz to peek into their brain. You’re sure to find out what obscure fascination your special friend thinks about multiple times a day—because they cannot all be thinking about the Roman Empire.
1. You and your sweetheart are on the couch watching a movie together one evening. You look over and see that they are looking at something on their phone. WTF? They haven’t even seen this movie before! What are they looking at?
A. They are watching TikToks of some unnecessarily tiny farm animal eating vegetables
B. They are looking at walk-through tours of one-bedroom apartments on rentals.ca
C. They are changing their Instagram profile picture to obscure album art for their favourite band
D. They are Googling pictures of the Grand Canyon and zooming in on the rock formations
2. If your partner had to eat one thing for breakfast every morning for the rest of their life, what would they choose?
A. Bagel with cream cheese—never gets old
B. A full stack of pancakes, but they always make more than they can eat by themselves
C. Black coffee—they don’t eat breakfast much anyway
D. Oatmeal—it has a long shelf life and requires little preparation
3. Your partner suggests going on a date in Kensington Market! Where would they take you?
A. The Mexican food hall on Augusta Avenue—they will get one thing from every stall to share with you before retiring to the park to watch people yell at each other
B. Jewelry shopping at Courage My Love or a silver merchant table—they might try to haggle with shop owners to get you a better deal on a necklace
C. Every vintage clothing store—you’ll gawk as they purchase a $300 t-shirt and some ‘70s corduroy pants
D. They will want to take photos of the graffiti and then take you to Cheese Magic for a sample
4. What did your partner dress up as for Halloween?
A. Something they grabbed from their closet, like an athlete’s jersey or a cowboy hat
B. A couple’s costume that they had been planning since July
C. They hand-stitched a Mia Goth costume, it’s basically two pieces of fabric even though it’s 10 degrees out
D. A ghillie suit—you won’t know what that means until you see it
5. When you and your partner go separate ways, how do they usually say goodbye?
A. Usually a hug or a small kiss, nothing too much
B. It’s a whole pattern of walking them to the door, kisses, hugs and waving goodbye
C. Kiss on the cheek or maybe a side hug
D. High five? At least they don’t dap me up
6. It’s 1:58 a.m. and you get a text from your partner. What does it say?
A. “u up?”
B. “Thinking about you, sweet dreams.”
C. “Is my fit giving 90s grunge-core?” (seven attached images)
D. “I would do so much better than all of them.” (link to a YouTube video called TOP 20 WORST SHARK TANK PITCHES OF ALL TIME)
If you chose mostly A’s, your partner isn’t thinking about other people, they’re thinking about: basically nothing!
You’ve got nothing to worry about because your partner doesn't have much going on up there already. They are the epitome of a golden retriever: big smile, dopey eyes and just happy to be involved in activities. They may seem aloof or disinterested but it is only because they tend to live in their own little world at times. Luckily, their mental capacity only has the space for one romantic interest, so good for you for filling that void! They may not know how a microwave works, but you’ve got to respect their simplicity. If they show up to your anniversary dinner in Air Forces and joggers, be thankful that they even remembered the location and time. After all, you’re with them for their heart, not the single toonie in their wallet.
If you chose mostly B’s, your partner isn’t thinking about other people, they’re thinking about: YOU
If your partner seems distracted, it’s just because they’re thinking of the next thing to do to keep you around! Even when you’re with them, they get so wrapped up in their fantasies of your future together that they can’t even focus on the present. Side effects may include, their wardrobe drastically changing once they find out what your favourite colour is. If they start not-so-subtly asking you about your flower preferences months before your birthday, expect to wake up to 1,000 bouquets in your living room on the day of. They may need to be occasionally reassured of your affections, but who doesn’t need reassurance every few hours?
If you chose mostly C’s, your partner isn’t thinking about other people, they’re thinking about: themselves
Congratulations to you for bagging an Instagram baddie, a gym influencer or anyone else who cares a little too much about their aesthetic. Your partner won’t be satisfied with only your eyes on them, they need the whole world to see them slay, which takes up a lot of space in their brain. When the two of you go out for lunch, the phone always eats first and you will always be featured—regardless of how you look in the pics. When it comes to shopping, the price tag is barely a concern if it could lead to recognition from that brand. Their jeans are tight, their grip on reality is loose and their bank account is dwindling from all the upcoming concert tickets they bought for your dates. Your partner thinks they’re very cool, so if you’ve breached that inner sanctum, you must be pretty cool too. Just enjoy the delusion of internet fame where it exists because no one will let your bae skip the line at Balzac’s if they have 15,000 followers on their fashion account.
If you chose mostly D’s, your partner isn’t thinking about other people, they’re thinking about: anything and everything
Your partner tends to be interested in everything, but the only person they have interest in is you. Recently, their niche obsession has been concocting a secret plan to change their identity and escape their mundane life for an adventurous existence of living off the land. If they seem thrifty when it comes to dates, it’s because they are saving their money for rare coins, tactical gear and parts for the sled that they’ve been working on since high school. Their YouTube suggestion page is riddled with do-it-yourself welding videos, but the real sparks are flying in their heart. Your partner is dreaming of a life far away from Toronto—maybe in East Wyoming or Denmark—but it is unclear if you are a part of this future just yet. Their reclusiveness could either be preparation for living in isolation or uneasiness because they don’t know how you would feel about their undying sense of adventure. Take them to a rock climbing gym or a flea market to show that you’re not afraid to live that van lifestyle with them.